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A fringe member of the English Cricket Team has been sent home after selectors discovered that his is English.

The mood in the camp is obviously quite grim at the moment, says English coach Chris Silverwood, who told The Advocate today that he was both disappointed and upset that Harry Glendale was able to slip through the selection net like he did.

In accordance with the by-laws surrounding selection for the English Cricket Team, no member is allowed to have been born in England or even hold a British passport.

Harry Glendale was born in Kent in 1989 but moved to Adelaide when he was 12 where he was mercilessly bullied.

The kids called him “The Khunt Front Kent” and made fun of his lame cygnet ring.

Since moving back to the UK in 2009, Harry quickly got rid of the Australian accent he adopted. After joining his local cricket club in an effort to make new friends, he went on to average 25.68 with the bat in his opening season and 18.50 with the ball.

For years, he was seen as one of the great journeymen of English cricket.

After jamming a peg in the door-lock mechanism of his microwave oven, setting it to a 10 minute mince defrost and popping his head in until he lost the ability to see out of his right eye and gained the ability to smell the colour purple, English Test great Ian Botham said Glendale was the first genuine English all-rounder since himself.

Harry was thrown a lifeline by the ECB and given the nod to join the other assorted foreigners sticky-taped together to form the English Cricket Team on this Summer’s Ashes in Australia.

“Which makes this all the more sad,” said Silverwood.

“So grim.”

More to come.


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