IN-Focus

Mark Wahlberg: “There Would’ve Been A Lot More Blood In First Class Had I Been On MH122 Yesterday”

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact American actor and businessman Mark Wahlberg has told The Advocate that if he was on the Malaysia Airlines flight out of Sydney Airport yesterday that it never would've had to make that U-turn over Northern NSW after a disgruntled passenger started making threats. But as the 52-year-old lives full-time in Los Angeles and only ever...

Barnaby Distances Himself From Nats Leader David Littleproud; Wants Full Week Of Public Holidays Should Tillies Win World Cup

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Colourful Nationals identity Barnaby Joyce has distanced himself this morning from party leader David Littleproud after he told viewers of ABC's Insiders this weekend that he didn't support a public holiday should the Matildas win the FIFA World Cup later this month. Mr Joyce told The Advocate that he wants "a full calendar week" of...

South African Coworker Has Two Schooners And Can’t Help Bringing Up Stories Of Him Shooting Baboons Back Home Again

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Local city worker Darren van der Merwe reportedly consumed a grand total of two schooners of heavy at the Dodo Internet after-work drinks yesterday, and immediately transformed into a walking, talking National Geographic documentary about his adventures back home in his native South Africa. Eyewitness accounts confirm that after only a few sips of his...

Over-Dramatic Nonna Pretends She’s Dead After Grandson Jokingly Says Jamie Oliver’s Pasta alla Norma Is Better Than Hers

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Betoota Heights grandmother Maria Rossi, 88, embraced the spotlight at a recent family dinner. The catalyst? Her grandson's casual remark that British chef Jamie Oliver's Pasta alla Norma, plucked from Oliver's "Jamie Cooks Italy," outshone her cherished family recipe. Family members alternated between chuckles and disbelief as Nonna Maria theatrically clutched her chest, emitting a...

“Can Ya Put Some Decent Music On” Says Dodgy Uncle, Speaking Specifically About Late-90s Xzibit

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The once blurred line between Generation X and the youth has today become a gaping laser cut canyon, as one local 'fun uncle' realises that his nephews have absolutely now cultural references to draw on when it comes to the golden age of west coast rap music. While loitering around his sister's home ahead of a family viewing of...

People Who Are Pretty Much Dead Want Say In Future Housing Plan

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Certain members of our town's living dead are up in arms this week after a new social housing plan was submitted to the Betoota Shire Council Planning Committee. A joint venture between a local superannuation investment fund and the Queensland State Government has put forward plans to build close to 300 private and social domiciles...

Jaded, Divorced 45-Year-Old Sales Manager Hates Everyone And Everything (Except For TISM)

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In a modern world often marked by disillusionment and weariness, music has the remarkable power to ignite emotions and kindle connections. For one Betoota Heights 45-year-old manager who has weathered life's storms, the music of TISM has emerged as an unexpected lifeline amidst his general discontent and cynicism. Having endured a divorce and the relentless...

Advice Column | Effective Solutions For Dealing With Problematic Employees Who Demand The Minimum Wage

DR CHET SPEVENS | Finance Expert | CONTACTIf you’re a business-owning boss like me then you’re no doubt still reeling in disgust at the fact that the government continues to wrongly crack down on bosses who avoid paying their ungrateful staff their super “entitlements”.  ‘Wage theft’ they have the audacity to call it. Yea right. How can it be wage theft when it’s...

Australian Dream Now That Kind Of Dream That Doesn’t Make Sense But Feels Real

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTOnce a suburban house with a scallywag of a home loan, a locally produced car in the driveway, children playing silently in the yard and a wife chained to the stovetop, the classic Australian dream is now something you only hear about if you work in aged care. Gender roles and children that can conceal some rather horrific family...

“Don’t Say It, Don’t Say It,” Says Sky News Presenter Before Package On Situation In Niger

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Sky News presenter has taken time in the ad break before a news package on the situation in Niger to remind herself to pronounce the nation properly and not the way she did as a private schoolgirl. "It rhymes with bonjour, it rhymes with conjure. Don't say it, don't say it," said presenter Penelope...

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