IN-Focus

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact In a brutal example of the tough times facing today’s primary producers, a local lad has failed a captcha test after the popular security measure asked him to identify pictures containing traffic lights. “I was trying to sign up for a … you know, a premium online service and it asked me to click on all the...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE |CONTACT In news that has shocked no one, it’s reported that the 100 hour placement policy required by universities was spearheaded by marketing agencies. Masquerading under the guise of ‘work experience’, a number of agencies and publishing houses have taken to hiring interns in lieu of actual employees. Boutique agencies are reportedly the most likely to take advantage of...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact Former students have reacted with surprise this week after a new report found the quiet kid in primary school who was allergic to everything may not have been a fully certified black belt in karate, despite his constant claims to have mastered the Japanese martial art.  “Wow, did not see that coming” said former classmate Tim Rogerson. “He...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT Dan Wells had been enjoying a well-deserved rest at his nans when he was invited to a house party on the north side of town. Armed with his granddad's stash of cheap red wine, and not keen to stop at Woolies on the way, Dan had gone rifling through his nan’s cupboard for some courtesy party snacks. After...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact Ride-share and food delivery company Uber is stepping further into the post-inebriation market with a revolutionary new service connecting drunk patrons with shopping trolleys.   “It was just common sense really," explained an Uber spokesperson. “The two most common scenarios at the end of a big night are that you call an Uber to drive you home, or you...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT Harry the huntsman has grown tired of his new home. It’s not like he has any better place to live, but after two months of hiding underneath a car visor, he suddenly feels the urge to mysteriously dart out into the open. As a huntsman, it’s just part of his DNA to find the most inconvenient place to sleep. Before...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact Since being declared a pandemic on March 11 2020, the fight against COVID-19 has been the backdrop to some of the most valiant acts of community and decency.  Unfortunately, the place where this is least evident is the office of Internet Astrologist, Virgo and Herbalife Sales Rep Lilly Haagmorf (58) who despite a vast understanding of the stars refuses...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact For some reason, the family-owned Mitre 10 on Greenbaur Road in Betoota Heights is making customers prove they're vaccinated from today. This small request from the Stacey family Mitre 10 has found the ire of one local man, who told floor manager Dale Stacey that his right not to be vaccinated against the Pangolin's Wrath...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some breaking international news, a sharp spike in female empowerment has been detected today, as the Challenge Accepted challenge goes viral. The latest social media challenge has celebrities, influencers, and aspiring influencers posting black and white selfies to show appreciation for other women using the hashtags #ChallengeAccepted and #WomenSupportingWomen. That groundbreaking new challenge involving selfies had gained serious...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT With the strange laws policing the dancing at nightclubs, many people have instead turned to throwing house parties - which in all honesty they were probably doing during the height of COVID anyway. The girls at 328 Daroo Road have gladly taken on this responsibility as their rooftop apartment is a stone's throw away from the nearest swanky bars...