IN-Focus

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT After a long day at work, featuring an early start, late finish and a passive-aggressive office-wide email about the state of the kitchen, Ollie Murphy decided he was in no mood to cook and sought refuge in his local kebab shop. The mixed emotions didn’t stop for this 28-year-old as the kebab shop owner asked him if...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact A cheap hose fitting has confirmed that it really is counting down the hours until it can unexpectedly pop off the hose and wet your pants, reinforcing a suspicion long held by Australian hose users.  “Oh yeah, it’s hilarious!” said the shitty hose fitting, that originally came attached to some sort of inflatable slip’n’slide thing that was thrown...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some genuinely surprising news from Betoota Heights this afternoon, it's been revealed that a local man is actually smarter than the entire medical and scientific fraternity. This comes after the man who gave himself a mad tattoo after highschool, revealed that 'coronavirus doesn't actually exist.' Todd Ferris explained that fact again in his latest Facebook post, where he...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Local News | Contact Maddie Hay (18) has just sent shockwaves through her sensible middle-class family after revealing to her mother and father that she got her belly button pierced on the weekend with her friend Chelsea. The announcement came as quite a shock to the parents who only let Maddie get her ears pierced when she was...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Burger Wars are heating up today! Following McDonalds announcing that it was suing Hungry Jacks for the new Big Jack, the rival fast foot company has hit back. Hungry Jacks has revealed its new 'JcChicken Burger,' which it says is 'in no way at all inspired by, or designed to ride off the back of the McChicken...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT It was a monumental day for residents of French Quarter sharehouse ‘The Quarterway’ as their communal bong managed to survive long enough without breaking to warrant an official nickname. The culture of young Australians living in sub-regulatory inner city squallor has been romanticised ever since the ‘90s when the more creative members of Generation X realised their peers would...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact In a brutal example of the tough times facing today’s primary producers, a local lad has failed a captcha test after the popular security measure asked him to identify pictures containing traffic lights. “I was trying to sign up for a … you know, a premium online service and it asked me to click on all the...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE |CONTACT In news that has shocked no one, it’s reported that the 100 hour placement policy required by universities was spearheaded by marketing agencies. Masquerading under the guise of ‘work experience’, a number of agencies and publishing houses have taken to hiring interns in lieu of actual employees. Boutique agencies are reportedly the most likely to take advantage of...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact Former students have reacted with surprise this week after a new report found the quiet kid in primary school who was allergic to everything may not have been a fully certified black belt in karate, despite his constant claims to have mastered the Japanese martial art.  “Wow, did not see that coming” said former classmate Tim Rogerson. “He...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT Dan Wells had been enjoying a well-deserved rest at his nans when he was invited to a house party on the north side of town. Armed with his granddad's stash of cheap red wine, and not keen to stop at Woolies on the way, Dan had gone rifling through his nan’s cupboard for some courtesy party snacks. After...