IN-Focus

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT It’s that time of year again. Time for local woman Jasmine Ferguson to remember that the game Sims exists. She’s not a gamer per see, but she has played San Andreas a couple of times. Even though it only included ignoring the missions completely and just running over people on footpaths. And she was even pretty good at playing the trial...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local sales administration person has today been given some great news. The 25-year-old Britney Janz was told by HR this morning that she has passed her probationary period, and been offered a permanent role. The great news comes after Britney's impressive schooner carry at work drinks last night, where she managed to duck back to the table her...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT It’s alleged that a young fella has unknowingly hoodwinked BIGSOUND organisers after he was seen blasting OneFour out of his Kmart speaker. Paulo Mamea was reportedly waiting for his chicken nuggets at the valley Maccas last Friday evening when he thought he’d do the crowd a favour and provide some much needed entertainment. It’s alleged the sudden influx...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Just as a toddler will one day declare they are willing to dress themselves, Australia has put its hand up and is ready to reopen for tourists. “We need to get the word out that Australia is open and ready to go,” said Prime Minister Scott Morrison, who as the managing director for Tourism Australia produced a tourism campaign...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT A local Betoota Heights household has decided to celebrate the warm weather by going on a hike, it’s reported. Per mum's suggestion that they ‘get some sunshine’, the Donaldson family have loaded up the family Jeep and traded their usual sleepy Sundays for a walk through the wilderness. It was supposed to be a good opportunity for the family...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As the good news continues to filter through for Melbourne, the city has today entered stage two of its roadmap out of lockdown. Now as Melbourne faces the prospect of further loosened restrictions in three weeks' time, the cities 'bubble buddies' are being forced to have some tough conversations about what's happening going forward. Introduced a little while...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact During a routine phone call to government services agency Centrelink, JobSeeker recipient Nick Wahl (27) was relieved to finally hear that his demands had been met. With JobSeeker and JobKeeper payments cut, Wahl is just one of many who is relieved to hear Centrelink has at least listened to the word of the people and changed their hold music...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT After a long day at work, featuring an early start, late finish and a passive-aggressive office-wide email about the state of the kitchen, Ollie Murphy decided he was in no mood to cook and sought refuge in his local kebab shop. The mixed emotions didn’t stop for this 28-year-old as the kebab shop owner asked him if...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact A cheap hose fitting has confirmed that it really is counting down the hours until it can unexpectedly pop off the hose and wet your pants, reinforcing a suspicion long held by Australian hose users.  “Oh yeah, it’s hilarious!” said the shitty hose fitting, that originally came attached to some sort of inflatable slip’n’slide thing that was thrown...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some genuinely surprising news from Betoota Heights this afternoon, it's been revealed that a local man is actually smarter than the entire medical and scientific fraternity. This comes after the man who gave himself a mad tattoo after highschool, revealed that 'coronavirus doesn't actually exist.' Todd Ferris explained that fact again in his latest Facebook post, where he...