FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact

Former students have reacted with surprise this week after a new report found the quiet kid in primary school who was allergic to everything may not have been a fully certified black belt in karate, despite his constant claims to have mastered the Japanese martial art. 

“Wow, did not see that coming” said former classmate Tim Rogerson.

“He just said he had a black belt and I guess I never really questioned it. Although looking back it does make sense. I mean he couldn’t even walk to the electric pencil sharpener without stopping halfway to use his asthma puffer. And how can you be allergic to fluorescent lighting?”    

Roger Timson, another former classmate, agrees.

“He was weaker than Dad’s cordial. I remember he once tried to karate chop a Macquarie Junior Dictionary in half. Once.” 

However, the self-accredited “black belt grand champion” says he is for real.

“I am absolutely a karate technician. I had to wax thousands of cars. They gave me a big award in a top-secret ceremony at the top of Mount Fuji which is in the National Panasonic prefecture.”

“I’m the only non-Japanese person to have mastered the 12 Finger Death Punch. Plus I invented other lethal techniques that the Japanese Government said I’m not even allowed to show you.”



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