ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Despite heavy frost being forecast for central parts of the Simpson Desert this evening, a French Quarter American sports fan is hosting a ‘Fourth Of July’ themed barbeque tonight in celebration of all things American.

Pushing on despite the cold, Ross Tuross explained to The Advocate that he planned tonight’s evening, to get all his mates over for a real ‘humdinger’ but most importantly, it provides another opportunity to watch some American sports in the company of other people.

“I usually have to watch them alone,” he said.

“But as I’m throwing a party tonight, on a muthafukking [sic] school night, everybody will be here eating hotdogs and cobb loaves and shit. It’ll be great. No football on until September, which is a source of sadness for me. But there’s Nationals v Red Sox tonight at 1am,”

“There’s no NBA on, either. Which sucks. Come to think of it, I don’t even know why I’m doing this. Maybe I could put a SuperBowl on or something? I’ll work something out.”

Ross conceded that he’s only hosting a July 4th Jamboree because he felt compelled to as he’s known as the American sports guy among his many friendship circles.

In fact, the 29-year-old left-armed Chinaman said he organised the whole thing on a sarcastic comment made by a mate of his a few weeks ago.

“I was talking about the NBA down the Dolphins Club last week and one of the boys said, ‘Oi Rosco, you fucking spoon, bet you’re hosting something next Wednesday for the Fourth, you bug fucking yankophile!’ and I basically had to commit to it there and then,”

“Now here we are.”

More to come.


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