Thanks to the strong and increased presence of activewear at the University Of Betoota this month, The Advocate can confirm that exams are in fact on.

This comes after the university reported a 75% rise in sports and gym clothing on campus over the last week.

The uni’s Vice Chancellor Jenny Payton told us that she doesn’t even bother checking the academic calendar for key dates anymore.

“I can tell when mid-sem’s and finals are on,” she laughed.

“When I come into work and almost every single student is decked out like they are about to go to, or have just come from the gym, I know exams are on.”

“It’s a trend we have noticed for a while, but particularly over the last few years we have been seeing an almost activewear blanket coating the university during the final period of the semester.”

Payton explained that another dead give away that exams are on is when every conversation she hears on campus is a competition about who is the “actually” the most “fucked for this exam.”

“It’s obviously got a lot to do with stress levels. We see our female students getting kitted out in their expensive gym clothes 5 days a week, even though less than 10% will attend a place of exercise during the week,” Payton said.

“And we see all of our male students in daggy track pants or footy shorts looking like slobs.”

“We’ve got it too good in this country judging by how stressed these kids are getting over some exams.”


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