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A Betoota Ponds man said he can’t help but shake his head and laugh whenever he gets a text message to his Android burner phone, even when the content is rather serious.

Speaking to our reporter this afternoon, Nathan Pooley explained that his mother had been in touch this morning because the police had been around to her place looking for him.

“Oh man,” he said.

“How can anyone take these phones seriously? I came out of the box like this. Look at it, it’s like a kid’s handwriting.”

The marginally employed mechanic said the police were probably coming to speak to him regarding some grey-area insurance fraud and his Mum did the right thing by lying to the police.

“Oh, it’s probably about the VE Commodore and the Pajero,” he laughed.

“Mate, we had this poor bloke come in with this Commie. Stuck in limp mode, blowing smoke, it’s fucked. My mate had a Pajero he was looking to get rid of so I told this bloke who owned the Commie that for $500, I’d write it for him,”

“So I hit the parked Pajero a bit hard and it turns out the Commie bloke didn’t have comprehensive insurance on it until 30 minutes before I crashed it. So of course they smelled a rat. So the airbag has gone off and blasted my nose across my face, onlookers have called the cops and an ambulance. I legged it because I had a joint that morning and didn’t want my tongue scraped,”

“So anyway, that’s why the cops would be looking for me. But how dumb’s this text? [laughs] Fuck me, these Samsung people.”

More to come.


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