The people of Melbourne who like to enjoy a public holiday to celebrate the race that stops the nation are set to do so in relative peace this year – after the customary #NupToTheCup protests were called off.

The protests that usually involve a few hundred people brave enough to take their Twitter activism to the streets were called off earlier today, after Melbourne confirmed it’s got real issues to focus on this year.

“We love a bit of colour and a bit of excitement in our city, but unfortunately this year we just can’t indulge it,” said the Premier Daniel Andrews this morning.

“We can’t even let Trinity and Geelong Grammar alumni attend the Cup this year, so I think that shows you how grave things are,” he laughed.

“Seriously though, as you all know, this year’s been pretty shit, and we are hoping to make our way out of this mess and into 2021 – so we don’t have time for some #NupToTheCup protests this year”

“Keep it on Twitter, where most people will agree with your opinion and you can feel validated. There’s no problem with that.”

“Just stay off the street – and we’ll push the conversation about animal cruelty and the horrendous number of horses that die as a result of the racing industry down the road till 2021.”


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