ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A Melbourne man on holiday up here in the nation’s garden state has asked an Airlie Beach bartender if he “has any man-sized glasses out the back” when he knows full well that it’s too fucken hot up here for pints.

Hailing from Melbourne’s “Little Sydney” district, the South Yarra man prides himself on being able to drink from a pint glass because that’s the measure of a man.

He spoke to our reporter at a cafe around the corner to the hotel where he was staying.

“You Queenslanders, you don’t know how to drink,” said Trevor Goose, who does something on Collins Street with a computer in exchange for some pathetic amount of money.

“What the hell is a schmiddie? They don’t even let you drink out of a glass schooner after the sun goes down. The drinking culture in North Queensland is so cringe,”

“Dude, you should’ve seen the bartender’s face last night when I asked him for a pint of Furphy [explosive laughter] He said they don’t have Furphy or pint glasses. He gave me a ‘schooner’ of Great Northern and said that’d be $9. Like, the weather is nice and I get that it’s a hotel bar but Jesus man, that’s a bit of a rip off.”

The man then interrupted himself and went back to eating his bacon and poached eggs with his bare hands.

More to come.


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