If friends were to describe their mate Blake Renshaw, they’d all say he was a pretty normal Aussie bloke.

However Blake has a deep, dirty secret.

He hates cricket.

“Mate I don’t get it, besides that Warnie guy, most of the players have the personality of a Kmart lamp,” Blake told The Advocate.

“The game takes too long, those test matches can go for five days and I’m honestly bored after the first over!”

Despite showing some athletic promise in high school, it’s believed a deeply traumatic experience in Year 10 set Blake up for a lifetime of disliking ‘The National Sport’.

It’s alleged that during a P.E class, Blake was ousted as a free-baller after exposing himself to his entire grade thanks to ripping open his sports shorts whilst attempting an overly enthusiastic medium pace bowling action.

So after 32 years of hiding this deep, venomous secret, Blake admitted he still hasn’t mastered the art of swinging any pub chat during Summer away from whatever is happening on the big screen.

Seated amongst four of his mates at the Sticky Wicket Hotel on Gillespie Street, our reporter watched as Blake tried to steer the pub conversation into something more interesting.

“So when do we wanna nail down a date for Docker’s bucks?” Blake threw out to the table.

“Jeez, Marnus is having a good summer…” replied mate Ben, sipping the final dregs of a warm lager.

“And what about Jack’s new Missus, she’s a bit of a sort hey!” Blake added, trying to stir something up.

“Oath he’s been giving his average a nudge,” replied Jamie, nodding in Ben’s direction.

“Boys, I’ve been thinking of moving to Europe!” exclaimed Blake, hoping for someone to notice him.

“Picking up the slack of Warner though hey,” responded Ben.

Resigned to defeat and sick of asking banal questions, Blake decided he couldn’t fake it any longer and book himself an Uber home.

“Boys I’m out, I’ll see you when the Leagues back on.”


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