WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
A moron boyfriend has nigh-on overdosed on salt and sugar this week, after ignoring the best advice of his girlfriend, again.
Blake Ashford (24), a young electrician from the Golf Course Estate put his lack of self-control on full display last night as he wolfed down a large bucket of popcorn before the opening credits had finished.
The well-intentioned young man admitted to our reporters today that he just can’t help himself sometimes.
“Hayley, my girlfriend warns me every single time we go to the movies, not to touch the popcorn before the movie starts, but I just don’t have the willpower.”
“It’s very very lucky that we were in a situation where you have to be quiet because if that wasn’t the case, I think she may have gone ballistic at me,” Ashford said.
“And she’s right. I’m an idiot. I know that. I just can’t help it. I’m like a dog, if you put food in front of me I go for it. It’s just animal instinct.”
We also spoke to Hayley, Blake’s girlfriend about his inability to control his impulses.
“Last night was the last time I ever “share” popcorn with him again. It doesn’t matter the size of the bucket, he polishes it off before we are long enough into it for the music at the beginning of the film to finish,” Hayley said.
“It’s not like I want heaps, I just want a decent enough amount to graze upon during the movie.”
“And that’s awfully fucking difficult when he’s face down in the bucket like a pig in a trough.”