26 October, 2016. 23:34
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
AFTER RECEIVING AN EMAIL from the Australian Taxation Office explaining that he only a few days left to lodge his 2015-16 tax return, a 32-year-old marginally employed bag-of-shit decided to get to work.
Taking several liberties with his uniform, car and donation declarations, Sam Klimt sat smiling as he completed his e-tax return with Kerry Packer’s immortal words still ringing in his ears.
“Kerry Packer said anybody who doesn’t minimise their tax obligations ought to have their head read, which is some great advice to live by,” explained the in-between-jobs worker.
“So that’s exactly what I did with mine. For example, my work uniform. I don’t have one, but I know you can declare up to like $400 and the ATO won’t bat an eyelid. The same with my car-related work travel. I’m a cocktail waiter who walks to work whenever do actually work. You can rub about a grand or two off, which is rego and insurance. Easy peasey,”
“Whenever I do my own tax, I look back to the great Australians for guidance. Your Packers, your Skases and Hancocks. I don’t want the bastards to get their hands on any more than they deserve.” he said.
The part-time-stay-at-home-son’s sentiments have been echoed by his father, who provides bed and breakfast for his adult son whenever he gets sick of working.
Citing the cost of living in South Brisbane as one of the key mitigating factors in his son’s continued failure to launch, father Bruce openly encourages his son to defraud the tax department.
“Don’t give the fuckers an inch,” he explained.
“Kerry Packer is an Australian Treasure. Thousands of workers around the country live and die by those words. Ain’t no cunt helping you, it’s a dog eat dog world out there. Don’t get the government lead you around by the dick. Take charge of your finances, like my layabout son.”