In some slightly concerning entertainment news this morning, it has been confirmed that Brad Pitt is 56.

This comes after the Hollywood star won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor for his role in Once Upon a Time In Hollywood.

The nod to the man who broke onto the screen all those years ago with that tight little 1990’s Goatee in Fight Club, comes as a bit of a reminder of how old he actually is.

“I didn’t believe it when someone said he’s 56,” said one local man watching the Oscars because he was bored and off work sick after a big weekend.

“He can’t be, I thought. Just cause he looks so fucking good you know?”

“But yeah, lo and behold he’s nearly 60.”

“That makes me sad,” said the early thirties man in the midst of an existential crisis.

“I remember him all those years ago. Fuck I’m getting old.”

“And I won’t look like that when I’m 56 either,” he sighed, taking another bite from his Padt Thai with extra crispy skin pork.


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