ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

“You fuck-arse fucking keepcuck!” he yelled halfway down aisle six of the French Quarter Harris Farm.

“Owwwwww! Fuck! Fuck’s sake! Jumping Jesus on a fucking pogostick, another fucking shirt ruined!”

Two semi-retired day-shopping boomer fucks fishing for the best-looking ugly pick sweet potatoes look over at the man named Blake Mossop and frowned.

He’s been using a KeepCup for nearly a year now and while he’s saved the Earth from his empty coffee cups, his collection of t-shirts have bore the brunt of his effort to minimise his waste.

Speaking to The Advocate in the seafood section of the boutique supermarket while the fish attendant sneezed on the green prawns, the 27-year-old city working piece of shit said the ‘fucking’ lid on his KeepCup keeps leaking and spilling – always at the worst possible time.

“I don’t know why I even bother,” he said.

“I mean, I drive an F150 and when I change the oil in the thing, I just pour all the old sump oil down the drain. Maybe I should stop doing that and start using takeaway coffee cups again? Just a thought,”

“Because these dopey fucking wookatook plastic fantastic fucking things keep dripping on me! Fuck! I’m nigh on purchasing a fucking bib! Sorry, I’m just so worked up about this. I’ve got to go to a work event tonight so that means I’ve got to go home and get changed. Fuck my fucking life. Fuck my job. Fuck everything, man. I’m done.”

Blake turned from our reporter to order 200 grams of green prawns.

“Hopefully things will get better,” he said.

More to come.


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