After spending a week lurking around the grandstand in the All Stars training facility in Melbourne, Uncle Tony X has today decided that he can’t sit around any longer without sharing some pearls wisdom the young fellas.

The Special Envoy to Indigenous Affairs has reportedly sent Laurie Daley back to his motel room for the day, and has taken full control of pre-match preparations ahead of tomorrow night’s match.

After a one-year hiatus, the Indigenous All Stars is back, with both men’s and women’s teams taking part. In a show down between the Indigenous stars and the Maori stars.

With both communities, and the greater NRL fanbase salivating for tomorrow night’s explosive clash, it appears the best of the best have been picked – with some even missing club commitments to play for their people.

There is, however, one vocal Indigenous voice that appears a bit jaded by the selection. Prominent Northern Beaches elder Uncle Tony Abbott – who can’t believe former NRL superstar Laurie Daley got a start as coach over him.

“Morrison gave me the job. Not just some random bloke in Canberra. Me, because I’m fit for the job” said Uncle Tony, while restlessly banging his feet on the grandstand floor.

“Screw this. I’m taking over.”

The Former Prime Minister then stood up to deliver the news to the squad, while pulling his forearms against his chest in some form of brash stretches.

“Oi Laurie. That’s enough my brother!”

“Hit the showers”

“I’m in charge of all the blackfellas so you have to do what I say. Ask Scott”

At time of press, Uncle Tony was last seen running a three-hour intensive one-on-one with Latrell Mitchell – in an effort to teach him that deadly little grubba he used to whip out back in his hay.

“Dasssittt Uncle Tone” said Latrell.


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