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With the mercury rising to upwards of forty degrees celsius in some Australian capital cities today, it has been confirmed that the entire nation’s construction industry are fucking off it.

“Fuck this shit,” say Jack Kennedy, a 27-year-old maritime carpenter who was approached for comment by our reporters.

“This is fucked,”

“You fucken journos spend most of your time in the office or the pub. Its December 20 and we are out sweating bullets”

The surprise heatwave has rattled people right across the country, with primary schools reportedly shutting up shop for the day as students rush home to begin a heavily air-conditioned long weekend. Tradesmen around the country aren’t as lucky.

“It wouldn’t be so bad if we were allowed to wear shorts. This PPE (personal protective equipment) is fucked,”

“I may as well be out here in a fur coat,”

“Fuck she’s got some fucking bite!”

Out West, the temperature is flirting 40 plus, and according to Broken Hill council worker Roy Cazaly, it’s fucken fucked.

“This is criminal” he says.

“I’d love to see some of these pen pushers floating around power lines in this heat”

“The moment the clock strikes 3pm I’m heading to the Workman’s for some air conditioned tap beer”:

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