ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
THOMISH MADHAMEETIOU IS OFTEN the life of the party.
Booze, women, party drugs – each weekend is a Brazillian barbeque of sin and liquid virility.
Outsiders and acquaintances claim that the 26-year-old would die each Monday if he didn’t share his genetic material with at least four other people.
But some weekends are what’s know as a ‘bye-weekend’, meaning usually by Friday night, a big strong sexually-fluid young person like Thomish will have to make a call.
“If I haven’t got anything planned, or I’ve been doing some heavy midweek drinking, by Friday night I’ve already called the bye,” he said.
“Sometimes you just need to take a little break from cutting shapes in a mate’s living room. You don’t need to do much. Like maybe a pub dinner on Friday night, followed by a few footy beers. But nothing like I’d usually do.”
What young Australians like the young office professional get up to on the weekend has left many older members of society shocked.
Describing a typical weekend to The Advocate, Thomish explained how things can escalate so quickly.
“We like to think of ourselves as laid back… In Australia. It’s actually not like that hey. We are pretty intense”
“By about 2 or 3pm on a Friday afternoon, I’ll put the feelers out on my group chats. See what everybody’s up to,” he said.
“There’s usually one or two mates about putting their drinking hats on around town so we organise a rendez-vous somewhere in the area. The tipping point is around 6pm when we know everybody is off work,”
“Then I guess the next checkpoint is somewhere around 9:45pm when we make the call to buy a carton or two to take somewhere and inhale it. In the background, somebody is already texting their friendly local drug dealer,”
“Magic happens after that. This is where most of me and my mate’s post-piss-anxiety or PPA comes from because the current batch of MDMA caps has been erasing people’s memories like a magnet in a video shop,”
“Then you wake up somewhere and turn your phone off immediately. That feeling is what I imagine shellshock was like back in the trenches of the Western Front,”
According to 66-year-old behavioural psychologist Graeme Dodds, this modern phenomenon was documented accurately by Nickleback’s seminal 2010 hit, This Afternoon.
He says that popular music and culture is responsible for the erosion of the moral and astute values that have been present in each generation up until Gen Y.
Delving deep into the psyche of the Millenial population, Dodds concluded that this type of behaviour is the sole reason why the concept of bye-weekends exists.
“Previous generations have been able to go out each weekend and drink in moderation before returning safely home,” he said.
“But now that the young people of today are being bombarded with immoral smut like Nickleback and Powderfinger. You’ve probably heard that song by the ‘Finger called ‘Baby, I Got You On My Mind’? Well guess what? That song is about fucking – and that’s something entirely new.”
“You can’t expect the young people of Australia to take it easy when they’re dancing to songs like that in nightclubs. Powderfinger, cheap liquor and an over-saturation of illcit party drugs are the reason why bye-weekends exist – because young people can’t be trusted to make the right decsions.”
Women are not a commodity. Nor are they akin to ‘booze’ or ‘drugs’. May have been an honest mistake, reusing a common trope but consider its 2016. Stop.