ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A Betoota Grove mother’s hopes for a nice, small Christmas have been dashed today after her worst fears were confirmed by the Queensland Government.

Victorians and the rat people of Sydney will be allowed come to Queensland from the 1st of December, meaning Glenda Pearson’s in-laws will be free to come up for Christmas.

The popular semi-retired architect explained that her husband’s family is Roman Catholic and because of that, they have done their bit to fuck the planet by having too many children.

“His three brothers and their famillies are coming up from Sydney now. That’s an extra twenty mouths. Twenty. Twenty more bladders emptying in my pool,” she told this masthead this morning in the Jones Avenue ALDI carpark.

“I hoped this year it would just be Michael and the kids. A nice small Christmas. We’d have a lovely lunch and turkey sandwiches until the New Year,”

“But no! Fucking Annastacia Palaszczuk, in a moment of obvious weakness, has folded like a town mayor at the Fitzgerald Inquiry. She’s torpedoed me.”

When asked if she could simply not invite them, Mrs Pearson asked out reporter if they were a fucking idiot.

“You can’t not invite family who haven’t wronged you to Christmas Lunch. Are you a fucking idiot? Do you have painted on eyes? You’re obviously not married, or have any children. Where are you spending Christmas, Errol? You moron.”

More to come.


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