CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Betoota real estate analyst, Benjamin Inness, is currently suppressing his natural urges to pass the solid metabolic waste from his digestive tract through his anus.
The 32-year-old former state representative cricketer is rummaging through his working space, backpack and pockets in a desperate search for his iPhone.
With a near-caesarian-level Bondi cigar knocking on the door, Benji is stubbornly holding the gate shut until he has access to his six different Whatsapp group chats and the most recent Betoota Advocate headlines.
Doctors say the act of clenching in chocolate hostages has recently increase dramatically among young men, who both are terrified of being left without online content for up to ten minutes and simultaneously not concerned about the spreading of germs while on the throne.
“Farrrkkk. Where is it?” Mr Inness says to himself.
“I’ve gotta do that LadBible quiz that tells me which late 1990s wrestler I am”
Co-workers are now very aware of what Benjiman is fussing about, and several even join him in his search.
“Is this one yours?” says his desk neighbour, Jim.
“Nah. That’s my phone” says another co-worker, Stacey.
Exhausted of options and currently feeling the wrath of the belated exit of his colon Benjaminnjiman asks if he can borrow Stacey’s phone while he takes a shit.