ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A Betoota Heights man who’s seemingly impressed with the size and scale of the protests currently happening in Hong Kong has sighed this morning, telling our reporters he wished Australians had something to protest over.

Speaking candidly to The Advocate over lunch, Renson Peters said the protests look quite fun.

“I know it’s unAustralian to protest in the street like that but I really want to give it a go,” he said.

“Have you guys seen those videos of the guys throwing the tear gas back at the cops? Fuck that looks fun. If I could get away with it, I’d love to throw rocks at the police. They’re all corrupt class traitors,”

“But I reckon here you’d get the dick from work if you just didn’t show up because you were out protesting and tear-gassing the police. No way Fair Work would be on your side if they knew you’d been off protesting. Ah well, a boy can dream, can’t he?”

The Advocate went to see to the only person in town qualified to speak on such matters, Professor Anne Rodgers from the South Betoota Polytechnic College School of Political Discourse, to see if there was anything worth protesting about in this country.

She said, in her opinion, there was.

“Oh yeah, there’s heaps of shit we should be protesting about,” she said.

“Like the Home Affairs office wanting to expand their powers to spy on ordinary Australians without a warrant. They’ll say it’s to keep us safe from China, Russia or some faceless terror group. Or the fact the government, both Liberal and Labor, have been complicit in hundreds of human rights abuses in our offshore detention facilities. But ultimately, the archetypal Australian only cares about matters that affect them personally,”

“So you won’t protest, even when the secret police are cutting up your mattress looking for a contraband National Geographic magazine. You’ll probably offer them a cup of tea, you obedient little fuck stick.”

Professor Rodgers then told our reporter to ‘fuck off out of her office’ to which our reporter agreed.

More to come.


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