A prominent author with heaps of things to talk about outside of male-centric peer pressure and culturally-engrained chauvinism has today been pepper-sprayed, hand-cuffed and thrown in the back of a Victorian police paddy wagon.

This comes after Burgoyne Gere (65) decided to spend twenty minutes talking in front of a crowd without mentioning ‘toxic masculinity’.

It is believed police were called to the scene immediately when it became apparent he hadn’t once brought up Louis CK or Donald Trump during the low-key panel discussion.

“He didn’t even talk about the conversations he hears teenage boys having in the surf” said a spokesperson for Victoria Police.

“Let alone the remarkable symmetry and suppleness of a teenage woman’s breasts when a young man finally gets to see them in the flesh, albeit peeking through the bedroom window”

Starting on the 24th of August and running until the 2nd of September, The Melbourne Writers Festival is the highlight of Victoria’s literary calendar, bringing together the talent and ideas of the best writers from Australia and around the world, most of which will be based purely around talking about toxic masculinity and a few other things that affect middle class people during peacetime.

Despite being well-known for writing about cross-cultural discourses such as sport, rock music and the military, Burgoyne Gere has this week failed to talk about how pretty much all of these things can result in hysterical mob mentality that results in someone being assaulted or killed.

He’s been told to never come back to Melbourne unless he is prepared to discuss the very real issues facing young white middle class men, and the men that have to listen to their conversations in the surf.

SEE ALSO: ‘Toxic Masculinity’ And Other Things To Say When You Feel Guilty About Being Just Another White C**t

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