ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The final report into the aged care sector was handed down today and one of the key findings in the 2000-page document was the best way to make sure you get a base-level of decent care when you’re old and fucked is to not be poor.

If you are one of the working poor approaching retirement age and have very limited superannuation, the report says you will probably eat shit and die.

In light of this, the government has committed just under half a billion dollars to make sure people get treated with some sort of dignity when they can no longer care for themselves but as the largest population group in our country is on the cusp of needing someone other than themselves to help them do things, this money won’t even hit the sides of the bottomless bucket.

“We want to make sure that those who have had a go, will get a go in retirement,” he said.

“But if you’ve arrived at 70 with little in the way of cash and assets, then you’ve clearly not had a go in life and will not be given anything in retirement. We might even legalise euthanasia and make it available to people and families that can’t afford aged care,”

“It’s important that we don’t forsake the economy to keep some broke, dribbling vegetable alive when we could just make everyone happy in the situation and put them to sleep. No more expensive nursing home costs, no more feeling bad when you don’t visit,”

“We should be saving dignity and respect for those who can afford it.”

More to come.

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