ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The suckerfish of society down in the nation’s largest open-air sewer have all received a curt message from the state’s police this morning, warning them that their extracurricular activities have been noted.
One of those suckerfish, Tom Robert Samuel of Ray White Darling Point (a suburb where wealthy people go to die), told The Advocate that he got the warning shortly after he woke up for his usual ice bath and infrared sauna.
From the comfort of the 24-year-old’s shakti mat, Tom said that while he’s only a leasing agent, he still received the message.
“Should I be worried?” he said.
“I’ve already had a Section 10 (a guilty plea entered in exchange for no conviction recorded on one’s record) and thanks to the recent Four Corners, I don’t think the criminal justice system will look too kindly on a boy like me. Not that I was done for anything like that, well, actually, nah, it’s not like that. I, uh, actually got done for bags at the pub. Dog got me and I just burst into tears when the cops asked me if I had anything on me I shouldn’t have. I also told them where I got it from and gave them the number. I also told them that my friend in there in the red jumper also had a bag on him and they went and got him. The judge said my conduct was disgraceful and said even for the police, that level of snitching appalled them,”
“Not sure why I’m telling you this. Anyway, our whole office got this message this morning, so that was comforting.”
Mr Samuel further explained that many of his professional rivals also got the message.
“It would be fair to say pretty much every real estate agent in Sydney got this message. I mean, they handed out Narcan at the door of our annual conference at The Star last year.”
More to come.
