ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A casual theatre worker from Betoota Heights has spent the past few months on the couch doing fuck all and thinks this is how Prince Harry must feel all the time now.

Dale Crimpy, who’s grandfather pioneered the Chicken Crimpy Shape recipe, said all he’s done over the past few months is go outside for a walk and eat food.

“I’ve also played on my phone a bit and watched a couple of films,” he said.

“And not just those ones on the SBS from Europe with all the full-frontal nudity. No, it’s been great but fuck me, I’ve done hardly anything. I used to have such a busy life working from production to production but this COVID has really got me fucked,”

“This is how Prince Harry must feel now over in America. Just some bloke on a couch looking at the ceiling, slowing turning food into shit. I mean, it’s not like he’s got any degrees or anything, he just kind of sits there and money falls out of the sky and into his bank account. At least when he was English, he had to army and stuff but now I guess he just looks and memes and plays with his kid. Not a bad life but Jesus wept, it’s not for me.”

The Advocate reached out to Clarence House for comment but have yet to receive a reply.

More to come.


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