As the historic Bathurst 1000 motor race draws ever closer, tens of thousands of race fans are eagerly anticipating the opportunity to drink small cups of enthusiastically-priced mid-strength beer in dusty fenced-off drinking cages with no view of the track.

Listen here to our interview with Deputy Premier of NSW John Barilaro:

The special drinking areas consist of small sections of wasteland ringed with temporary fencing, each containing a caravan filled with sweaty employees ready to exchange a large amount of money for a small amount of beer.

Security guards are posted at the entrance to each area to ensure anybody who can somehow afford to get tipsy is immediately dragged away to be drawn and quartered, as part of the organisers’ extensive plans to make the iconic event more “family-friendly” and boring.

“It’s all about the atmosphere” claims aircraft mechanic and former Holden fan Graeme Schnitzel, unconvincingly.

“Sure, you can watch the race on a big TV in your air-conditioned loungeroom with as many drinks as you want, but to really live the moment you need to be crammed into a dusty cattle yard with lots of other people who aren’t smart enough to sneak booze in, pretending to enjoy warm beer and the sound of cars that you can’t actually see”. 

Graeme added that he definitely would not be sneaking bourbon past security at the gate in a 1.5L hydration pack purchased from a camping store for $34.99 and safely stored in his underpants.


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