EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

A local woman has today learned that being nice to a child means you’re definitely clucky, as everyone knows a childfree woman is a witch who snarls and hisses at the mere sight of a pint sized human.

Despite having stated for a solid ten years that she had no desire to be a mum, Silvie Wenham [29] has had to deal with unwanted opinions from both family and friends and assurances she’ll ‘change her mind’ – not to mention indepth questions on the reasons why she doesn’t want them, which she shouldnt have to fucking explain.

Because the notion that a woman may not want kids is unbelievable to many members of the older generations, Silvie has found herself watched with a close eye by everyone from her grandfather to her auntie, who smugly nitpick the smallest interactions as proof she was secretly harbouring an urge to squeeze out babies.

It’s alleged Silvie made the drive to the burbs her sister’s birthday, when she made the stupid mistake of playing a game with her three year old nephew – prompting multiple family members to descend upon her like vultures circling a dying animal.

“Oooh you must be changing your mind hahaha.”

“Someone’s clucky.”

“Looks good on you.”

Speaking to The Advocate, Silvie says it’s all ‘fucking stupid’, and that it puts her off interacting with her nephews at all.

“I’m obviously not going to be cold towards a toddler, I’m not an asshole”, she explains.

“Me entertaining a child for ten minutes isn’t proof I want one, they’re bloody exhausting.” 

“But god, the constant comments really put me off.”

“As soon as I do, I can feel everyone leering and whispering.”

“Just fuck off, it’s creepy.”

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here