With the Bris Vegas 2032 Olympics within a decade’s reach, the brown snake has begun stockpiling gold clubs ahead of a controversial event they will hopefully add to the Olympics.

Usually, an Olympic host country is allowed to add a few sports they will excel in which has led to Brisbane considering adding rugby league and gender reveal burnouts.

However, the real cathartic recreational activity from the city of a thousand smiles is a crude twist on golf that involves improving the biodiversity of northern Australia. 

Although deemed cruel by default, Toad Golf is the futile gamification of ridding Australia of it’s most iconic invasive species as violently as possible.

Usually practised in the sorts of share houses that have names that allude to casual heroin use, Toad Golf has played a vital role in the cultural revitalisation of Brisbane, a city that is surely picking a cane toad or a Bluey knock off as an Olympic mascot.

“I know the right thing to do is to put them in the freezer but it’s not fun to go fishing for a Maxibon and come out with a frozen toad,” stated professional couch surfer and Toad Golf masters winner Noah Birmingham.

“Yeah, it’s messy and probably not that fun for the toads but it’s a mixed men and women’s sport that could also easily be modified for the Paralympics.”

“It’s a no brainer. Although evidently, you do see a lot of brains…”


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