We can’t all be tech billionaires like Mike Cannon-Brookes. Taking our amazing IT software idea to the very top of the tech world.

You thought you were going to be the next Canva. I get it. Your parents told you that you were special, “so good with computers”, and you believed your amazing software was going to be the next Silicon Valley success story.

But the sad truth is what you thought was your tech unicorn is actually nothing but a chlamydia-riddled mule.

I am sorry for you. Your ground-breaking software is going the way of the Koalas. It’s more chlamydia than code at this point. Don’t touch it, lest you want to experience pain when you urinate.

Admit to yourself it’s over. And do that as soon as possible otherwise your mule software will move into late-stage chlamydia, where the symptoms spread to other organs. You don’t want late-stage chlamydia, believe me I know what I’m talking about.

And you don’t want your reputation to take a hit either. Because if you really do want to be the next Canva, then I’m sure this isn’t your last effort at building a tech unicorn. Bless you.

So you’ve got to shift the blame from yourself to someone else. And the only way to do that effectively is to blame your business partner. Start by letting them buy the majority share of the business. Explain to them that you’re no longer ‘in it for the profits’.

You’ve become militantly socialist and individual ownership is morally wrong to you now.

Then start tarnishing your business partner’s good name in the media, by releasing shocking information about them to any journalist that will listen. I’m sure you’ve got plenty of dirt on them. After all, you grew up together, you’re best friends. At least that is what they still believe.

If all goes well, your business partner might even actually contract chlamydia themselves and that’s where the blame shifting starts to take on a momentum of its own.

It’s at this point you can relax and move on to your next great idea. The true tech unicorn that makes you forget about that horrifically sad chlamydia-riddled mule of a software koala that your former business partner ran into the ground.

Be careful who you go into business with.

More to come.


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