A recent study by the AMA Queensland has found that the concerning rise of diagnosed greens voters is one of the most easily avoidable epidemics since chlamydia hit the Navy.

“It’s easier to cure than the common cold” says lead researcher Dr Derryn Thelps.

“But it requires cooperation and initiative from not only the sufferers – but also their families and surrounding community”

The report has found the thousands of detached, frustrated and bored sufferers of Imightgivethegreensago – could be cured immediately after a firm hug from dad, and maybe a kiss on the cheek, if they are of Southern European background.

It is believed many young people could be harbouring the virus without showing direct symptoms.

“This ailment exists in a lot of young people. You know, especially with urgent climate crisis our planet faces, and the fact that no one under the age of fifty can afford a home that isn’t out the back of Bourke”

“However, these different factors don’t necessarily manifest into a full blown greens voter, unless they have a fractured relationship with the strong male figures in their lives”

Dr Thelps said that while some people didn’t necessarily have father figures in their life, a hug from the high school principal on graduation day will more than suffice as a spot treatment.


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