The dry drunk MPs that make up the mining arm of the coalition government are reportedly “absolutely fucked” after having to work for eight hours yesterday.

The National Party spent all of yesterday in a meeting room in Canberra where they were expected to discuss the Morrison government’s reluctant Net Zero Carbon policy, and whether or not they support is overnight backpedal away from full blown climate change denialism.

However, as was expected, the public servants that make up the increasingly irrelevant political party that is purported to represent the bush – were unable to come to a decision when they left the room at 7pm last night.

Discussions are expected to continue into the parliamentary sitting week, as the National Party confronts their identity crisis. Are they a political party aimed at securing funding for regional hospitals and bailing out drought-fucked farmers? Or are they a PR agency for the Fossil Fuel Sector and it’s 20,000 FIFO workers from the Gold Coast who smoke meth to kill time on their 4-week swings.

This chain-dragging on Net Zero is reminiscent of the twenty years it took to legalise marriage equality in Australia where the Nats held on with both hands to the notion of ‘culture wars’ that could distract from the fact that Walgett routinely runs out of drinking water and can’t find a schoolteacher willing to stay longer than a couple months at a time.

While the meeting only went for four hours on Sunday, it is believed the MPs involved in the absolutely fruitless discussions, were at the office as early as 11am to prepare for the meeting. This means that most of them worked up to eight full hours.

“We are in a crisis” said David Littleproud.

“Some of these blokes haven’t worked hours like that since they were serving champagne at the Joh For PM campaign launch”

Senator Matt Canavan agrees.

“Everyone is very snappy.” he says.

“There’s a real resentment growing towards Scott Morrison that he would make us work this hard”

“Especially over something like Net Zero”

“He was juggling coal in Parliament a couple years ago”

“Now he’s acting like he believes scientists because Biden said he wouldn’t get his submarines if he didn’t play along”


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