A local bloke has kicked off his working week with a fruit-heavy breakfast which has completely negated the horrific things he did to his body over the last 52 hours.

After starting his Friday arvo off with roughly eight schooners of high-sugar craft beers paid for by his boss on a company card, the 31-year-old car salesman named Serge decided to ditch his loser work colleagues and go hang out with the dodgy blokes he’s made friends with at a pub near his office.

10 more schooners late and Serge was procuring some very expensive Class A drugs and receiving texts from his ex-girlfriend who was partying elsewhere with some other sickos.

After four hours sleep and a regrettable rekindling with a past lover, Serge woke up on Saturday morning to a busy group chat that reminded him of a long lunch he had RSVP’d to, to celebrate the Cowboys’ preliminary finals appearance.

Throughout the day, the young weekend alcoholic drank roughly around thirty schooners, bumping him up to the 68-jar mark.

A ground-hog day/night of booze and illicit were soon to follow, which wrapped around into a Sunday session – which left the young bloke feeling very brittle upon his walk home to bed on Sunday evening.

But a weekend of grog-fueled debauchery and casual sex has all been negated this morning, as Serge tucked into a long black coffee and a bowl of Acai berries.

“Aahh. That’s the stuff” he says to himself, smugly looking over at another pleb eating a bacon and egg roll.


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