The world continues to commemorate the late monarch, Queen Elizabeth II, who died at her Scottish estate at the age of 96 last Thursday night.

Royal subjects right across the Commonwealth are this week mourning the world’s second-longest-serving monarch, paying tribute to the connection she held with the type of people who enjoy reading New Idea and watching The Crown.

In this country, the sucking up is perhaps some of the most brazen in the entire world, as opposed to the hard-arse Caribbean nations who are already moving towards republic referendums.

Right across Australia – Government institutions, schools, pubs, and private residences have flown their flags at half-mast since Friday morning – to honour the Queen’s passing.

In Western society, half-mast or half-staff refers to a flag flying below the summit of a ship mast, a pole on land, or a pole on a building. In many countries this is seen as a symbol of respect, mourning, distress, or, in some cases, a salute.

However, in some rare circumstances, it can also be seen as a sign of feeling a little toey.

This was certainly the case in one Betoota Heights household this morning, as local kitchen refitter Jake Lilyfield (42) paid tribute to his own Queen.

“Oi babe” Jake says to his Queen in bed this morning,

His wife of 15 years, Monica, cautiously asks what’s on his mind – knowing full well that this kind of energy at 7am in the morning either means he’s got diarrhoea or he’s keen for a root.

“Yes?” replies Mon, who hasn’t rolled over yet.

“Babe. I’m just so caught up in all this stuff in the news”

“I thought I’d pay respect to my own Queen. Ha ha ha”

Monica, now slightly confused as to what the fuck her husband is talking about, finally rolls over to engage.

“Babe. I’m at half-mast as well babe” he says

“Oi look”

“Haha. Get it?”

Jake’s bold attempt to orchestrate a little bit of you-can-leave-your-hat-on before work appears succesful, as his wife giggles at this ridiculous attempt at intimacy.

Unfortunately their early morning tickling was disrupted, after Jake felt his bowels making moves to evacuate the two litres of iced coffee he consumed on smoko yesterday.

“Out of the way!” he shouts, as he makes a dash for the can.


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