An LNP candidate for the electoral division of Yawannagokunt in North-West of Brisbane has today been stood down by the party, following a disastrous Skype call with several power brokers from the government’s far-right faction.

Brucey McClymont (45) a prominent cattleman and former Toowoomba Clydesdale, has expelled indefinitely from the LNP, after proposing an idea that might be able to tackle the causes of youth crime in Queensland instead of just relying on the mass incarceration of children.

“Ok, ok, ok.” said Brucey, during a discussion with his the Christian-Right puppeteers of the LNP.

“I get it. The curfew up north. Looks great on paper”

“I know the boomers will love it. They love that shit for some reason”


It was the next couple of sentences that have come to define Brucey’s short-lived political career.

“How about”

“Instead of just accelerating our already catastrophic Indigenous incarceration rates by placing 8pm curfews in predominantly Indigenous communities…”

“How bout we throw a few policies around that might tackle the reasons why these kids don’t wanna be at home in the evenings?”

“Maybe lets take on domestic violence?”

“Maybe find dad a bit of work?”

“I dunno just spitballing here fellas. I just feel like we’ve been locking up kids and forcing them into the industrial prison system for a while now and it doesn’t seem to be working”

The Skype call is believed to have gone quiet for roughly two to three minutes as the shadow cabinet ministers of the LNP sat their in disbelief at his arrogance.

Brucey was then called a ‘poofter’ by a high-ranking minister and told to go and fucking join the greens if he wants to focus so badly on socially progressive preventative measures against the scourge of youth crime in North Queensland.

He has also been banned from ever attending any polo matches in greater Brisbane, and will be unlikely to ever receive approval for an Interest Free Payment Plan at Harvey Norman.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here