ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The NSW Premier has spoken of how bad her hangxiety has been recently after it emerged she personally greenlit $100m in council grants in Coalition seats without any paperwork – leading auditors to suggest the figure could be as high as $250m.

Gladys Berejiklian, who has so-far successfully avoided all responsibility for her government’s vile corruption and criminal behaviour, explained that she got blackout drunk with a few girlfriends a while ago and woke up not knowing how she got home.

“It gets worse,” she said in a faux-embarrassed voice.

The person everyone is feeling sorry for spoke briefly to our reporter via telephone this morning.

“I checked my netbank and it said I’d taken like hundreds of millions of dollars of taxpayer money out of an ATM in Haymarket. There’s no money in my wallet this morning,”

“It’s so embarrassing. Like I must’ve spent $100m last night and I can’t remember anything. God, I’m such a mess. The last thing I remember is leaving work and like meeting up with some friends and we saw some cute boys at Opera Bar then we got more prosecco and the rest is such a blur,”

“We must’ve spent $250m on stupid shit like council grants. Holy shit! I remember giving out $40m to rebuild a playground in Vaucluse. Fuck! Oh my God, what the fuck is wrong with me? I’m such an idiot,”

“That boy has ruined my life. I probably wasn’t in the best head space to get drunk yesterday, I saw Don Harwin’s Instagram story of him at the beach eating sushi with fucking Daryl. I don’t know why but it fucking still boils my piss to see him happy while I suffer!”


More to come.


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