Local online-Labor diehard, Carmen Comphy (55) says Victorians should be patting themselves on the back right now.

“Yesterday was very special. For all us” she says with tears welling in her eyes.

“We did it. We are opening back up. Dan has said at midnight tonight bars and cafes are allowed to open back up. I’ve always had faith in him”

The Australian news cycle was awash yesterday, with the news that Victorians can now travel freely around the state, but most importantly, they can go to the pub and ‘get on the beers’.

All venues in Melbourne will be subject to a 20-person cap indoors, with no more than 10 people in a single indoor space, and no more than one person for every 4 square metres.

In fact, the news that Melbourne can now live as freely as NSW and Queensland were living back in July is so exciting that Dan Andrews hasn’t been asked any questions about any other aspect of his job.

Namely, the sacred 350-year-old Djab Wurrung Directions Tree has been cut down by Victorian government workers, as police descended on the group’s protest camp on Monday while the embassy was weakened by social distancing measures.

Djab Wurrung country is located alongslide Victoria’s expanding Western Highway, the main road linking Melbourne to Adelaide, and has been the scene of a protest camp for more than a year.

Indigenous groups are protesting the Western Highway upgrade project, which, if the bulldozers keep moving forward will see sacred 800-year-old birthing trees destroyed as well.

However, Labor-right loyalists like Carmen say that this is just a perfect example of compromise in politics.

“Like, I feel really bad for all of the Indidge peeps but Dan can’t be in two places at once” she says.

“I’m sure if he wasn’t so busy trying to eradicate the second wave he would have stopped that tree from being cut down”

“But unfortunately he’s really stretched out because of all the Liberals and Herald Sun who encouraged everyone to not take the virus seriously and basically caused the hotel quarantine breach”

Carmen, like the couple thousand other Dan Andrews loyalists who clutter Twitter with their hashtags of support, is of the honest opinion that her Premier isn’t capable of so blatantly treading on the cultural sensitivities of his beloved First Nations brothers and sisters.

Although, she doesn’t seem to care either way.

“That tree wasn’t even one of the really old ones” she says.

“Like yeah 350 years is old, but, like, some of them are way older”

“Anyway. Why are we talking about this… Haha”

“Small bars are opening tonight. Yay”

“I love you Naarm”


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