As a record-breaking drought continues to ravage regional New South Wales and Queensland, politicians across the country are stumped as to how they can help Australian farmers who’s businesses have been crippled by the big dry.

Prime Minister Scott Morrison has vowed to pray for rain, while the National Party’s special envoy to drought relief, Barnaby Joyce, has been directed to use his mind power to solve the issue.

This comes as the NSW state government’s state seasonal update, released on Friday, shows 99.8 per cent of the state remains in drought.

However, deep in the urban Labor stronghold of Port Melbourne, opposition leader Bill Shorten has vowed to simply end it, using the powers that would be invested in him as Prime Minister.

“I promise to end this drought within 100 days of a Labor government” said the ALP leader.

“I’d do it now… But I want you to vote for me first before I do it. Kind of like an exchange.”

Shorten says unlike marriage equality, the current drought facing Australian farmers is something that he will be able to resolve by himself, and without having to worry about upwards of 12 of his own conservative Victorian and New South Wales MPs crossing the floor in an attempt to stop it.

“Unlike offshore detention and discrimination facing LGBTI people, the drought is something that everyone in my party is keen to see the end of” he said.

“Except for a couple MPs who have close ties to the Bale Of Hay Workers Union – the rest of us want to stop this, and if elected I will”

When asked how he plans to actually make it rain in drought-stricken areas, Mr Shorten changed the subject to the pathetic lack of unity in the Liberal Party.


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