CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
JUST GOTTA BE PATIENT WITH THIS SHIT: A cold snap in rural New South Wales has brought with it snow and unseasonably low temperatures, with some regions today expected to dip more than 10 degrees below the June average.
The Bureau of Meteorology’s says the big freeze will continue to bring more snow to the central and northern tablelands.
This is bad news for the millions of feral rodents that have been destroying farms in the state’s west, as part of the uncontrollable 2021 mice plague.
This weather pattern joins the NSW Government’s announcement earlier this week that primary producers will be able to claim a 50 per cent rebate – up to $10,000 – rat bait, in an effort to kill the little fuckers, and the native birdlife.
The mouse plague has so far cost millions of dollars in damaged property and crops, prompting the government to create this $50m rescue package and fast-track the approval of the world’s deadliest mouse poison.
Farmers say that the mice plague had just about driven them to their wits end, after months of finging them in their homes, ceilings, fields, bins, classrooms, living rooms, and even biting them in hospital beds – without even one mention in Canberra from the National Party MPs who can’t seem to figure out why rural voters keep electing the Shooters and Fishers.
However, Barnaby Joyce has today come forward and addressed the plague, just in time for the cold snap to put a sizeable dent in it.
“Yeah this was always part of the plan” he said between sips of an ice cold schooner of New at the Woolbrook pub.
“The mice root and root, and then they play up a bit”
“But I always knew the first week of June would be unseasonably cold and we’d freeze the little bastards out”
“Haha. So much for this so called climate change that these so-called experts keep banging on about”
“It goes, drought kills trees, fire kills drought, flood kills fire, then mice, then snow kill mice”
It is not yet known if this big dose of frozen skywater will be enough to eradicate the rodents, but Barnaby says if it doesn’t, the now annual December bushfires should finish them off – especially now that there is enough regrowth for a Black Summer 2.0