The most unemployable man in Australian public life, former Prime Minister Scott Morrison, has today realised he must upskill or perish.

Not because he needs to find himself a new corporate job and dignify the party he destroyed by resigning from Parliament’s back bench, where he sits every day as a constant reminder to both his colleagues and the general public as to the incompetent Liberal leadership that nearly sent this country broke.

But because he could very well be going to prison as a result of his disgraceful and relentless targeting of most vulnerable citizens through the Liberal Party’s unlawful robodebt ‘automated debt assessment and recovery’ software known as Robodebt.

And what’s worse, the evil political elites that implemented this software were warned by their own legal advisers that is was illegal, and continued with it anyway because they couldn’t resist the opportunity to blame all of the government’s woes on ‘dole bludgers’ by falsely accusing welfare recipients of owing false debts to Centrelink, and then pursuing them with private debt collectors until they either paid it back or killed themselves.

In news that you will not be reading in any newspapers owned by Liberal Party’s cheerleaders Kerry Stokes, Peter Costello and Rupert Murdoch – it has been revealed that Scott Morrison will have his upcoming legal bills paid by taxpayers after Attorney-General Mark Dreyfus approved funding for the former PM to respond to possible criminal charges that may be laid against him as a result of the robo-debt royal commission.

The approval was made before the final report was released on July 7, which has provided some damning insights in the conduct of the then Liberal Government Ministers who persevered with this cruel assault on our nation’s battlers.

So, while his fees may be covered by the tax-payer, Scotty still needs to mitigate the possibility of this free legal defence not doing a good enough job.

It’s for this reason that Scotty From Silverwater has today approached Cronulla’s two lonely eshays for some tip about how to survive jail politics.

For those reading this who are unfamiliar with the niche youth culture of Sydney, the word “eshay” is term used to describe stereotypically hypermasculine Sydney street youths, who dress in luxury sportswear and are often familiar with violent crimes, drug dealing, graffiti and incarceration.

“Hellolay” said Scotty, attempting to speaking in pig latin.

“Does anyone here know how to turn a household object into a blade”

“I’m worried I may need to defend myself in the tennis club showers at Cooma’s low security correctional centre”



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