FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT
Local cow BR433A, or as she prefers to be called ‘Marjorie’, has today reacted with fury after being referred to as a “lying Linda Reynolds”.
The slur, delivered by Marjorie’s sworn enemy, cow BR183C.
Senator Linda Reynolds came under fire this year after her abysmal handling of a sexual assault allegation came to light.
In 2019 a junior staffer was allegedly sexually assaulted by an advisor, which resulted only in the extremely co-incidental firing of the alleged rapist a few days later, and a private meeting which was held in the office the assault occurred in.
No formal complaint was pursued with the Police, and PM Scott Morrison claimed ignorance of the matter.
In March, it was revealed that Reynolds had referred to the junior staffer as a “lying cow”, giving hope to thousands of everyday Australians who regularly use that term that one day, they too could become a respected, professional, compassionate Senator.
Reynolds has been on paid medical leave since February 24. Paid Leave Porter, also on medical leave, was recently spotted using a second hand limousine to take up all 4 disabled parking spaces at the newly-refurbished Betoota 9 Cineplex, in the company of Paid Leave Reynolds, probably.
It has been suggested that the two may have visited the cinema for a re-screening of Avatar so they could laugh and cheer when the big tree collapses.
Meanwhile, the dairy-related dispute between Marjorie and Cow BR183C shows no sign of ending anytime soon with Marjorie saying comparing her to Linda Reynolds was “out of line” and “taking it too far”.
“And I’m telling you right now” she added, “if you make the headline “cow not amooosed” or some other condescending shit I will piss in your milk, I swear to god”.
