The Liberal Party has had to release an official statement today urging female voters to stop being so irrational, after multiple female candidates were once again overlooked in their latest Federal pre-selection.

As it stands, the Liberals have only 9 female MPs in the lower house of Federal Parliament, out of 46 seats.

However, there seems to be unrest amongst the nation’s sheilahs about the lack of effort made by the Opposition to recruit more women, who make up half of the population, and are less inclined to spend ten years triggering leadership spills every time a male ego gets bruised.

For this reason, the Liberals have had to come out of the front foot today, to defend their decision to pre-select a Scott Morrison-lookalike over two perfectly experienced and electable female candidates ahead of the Dunkley by-election.

“Would you mad sheilahs stop getting your nickers in a knot” said a high-profile spokesperson for the Liberal Party.

“Not sure if it’s that time of the month or what, but you’ve gotta trust us that this is the right bloke. He’s very popular within the party, which can only mean he’s gonna be popular with the voters…”

“And don’t give me that quotas nonsense. If women want to get preselected than they should try to be more impressive than a 30-something year old bloke with a sharp haircut”

The electorate, which is literally named after the feminist political figure Louisa Margaret Dunkley who campaigned tirelessly for equal pay for women, includes Victorian towns like Frankston and parts of the Mornington Peninsular – a region known for having females live there.

With dissident female Liberal voters finding far more powerful political voice by voting for teal independent crossbenchers than the Opposition, it is uncertain if this is a one-off pre-selection – or if the Liberals honestly think their old model still works.

Frankston Mayor Nathan Conroy won Liberal endorsement for the federal seat of Dunkley, with a convincing 89 votes. Two other contenders, former state MP Donna Hope and Liberal staffer Bec Buchanan, received about 40 and 25 votes respectively.

The seat has been left vacant by the untimely passing of the staunch advocate for breast cancer survivors, Peta Murphy. Conroy will face off against Jodie Belyea, a Labor candidate who helps run women’s shelters and programmes for other disadvantaged female constituents.


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