Peter Dutton is nowhere to be found in Parliament House this morning, with Liberal staffers doing all the can to redirect any inquiries to less important people like Dan Tehan MP.

This comes less than 24 hours after surprising nobody by announcing that his party will not be supporting the government’s proposed referendum to establish an Indigenous Voice to Parliament.

Instead, the Liberals have proposed an alternative model of creating close to 600 different consultative bodies to serve every single local council and state government – an exercise that will cost billions more dollars and hire hundreds of thousands of bureaucratic white saviours with very little skin in the game.

While the Liberals have been cheered on by the deranged rednecks at Sky News, their contrarian behaviour has also made them a lot of enemies out of the last people you’d want coming for you.

Noel Pearson, a tireless Indigenous advocate and highly decorated community organiser and academic, has today arrived at Parliament House demanding answers from people who had previously agreed to support the referendum.

Known for his venomous tongue and firey temper, Noel Pearson has an impressive track record of wrangling Liberal Party mouth breathers – with many pointing to him as their official north star when it comes to Indigenous issues.

As an architect of the Uluru Statement Of The Heart and a key advisor on the Voice To Parliament referendum – Pearson had previously received word from the Liberals that they would support this historic constitutional amendment.

However, after Dutton’s betrayal yesterday afternoon – there are currently some heavy foot steps echoing through the halls of Parliament House.

“I was troubled by dreams, and the spectre of the Dutton Liberal Party’s Judas betrayal of our country,” Mr Pearson said this morning, before accusing Dutton of compromising the referendum purely for political gain.

With the wrath of Pearson raining down on the last remaining Liberal MPs still in Parliament, Peter Dutton has today had no option but to hide in mutlifaith prayer room – until the scary North Queenslander vacates the building.

At time of press, Dutton was believed to have been texting the waitresses at Aussies cafe to see if they could bring him up a coffee and pre-packaged sandwich, to sustain him through his cowardly efforts to avoid facing the music.

“Also can u Let me no (sic) wen that bloke making all the noise down their is gone” Dutton texted.


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