In an unprecedented move, bushfires have been totally outlawed in an attempt to reduce the drain on the nation’s water supply.

Under the latest rules, no new bushfires are to be lit without a permit, and all existing bushfires must be fully extinguished by midnight on December 31.

Any property owner who also owns one or more bushfires must fully extinguish all fires before the deadline or face fines of $150 per burning hectare. Property owners who require an extension of up to 20 days past the deadline must apply for a Conflagration Permit at their nearest Post Office.

 “This is totally irresponsible” said clearly unimpressed NSW RFS Acting Commissioner Rob Rogers. 

“Simply banning the bushfire industry overnight with no clear path to alternative employment leaves thousands of hardworking volunteer firies with an uncertain future, and to do it right before Christmas is a real kick in the guts”.

However, David Littleproud, Member for Water Resources, says using precious water on fires during times of drought is wasteful and extravagant whereas simply banning bushfires altogether will save millions of litres of water for struggling farmers.

“We have reached a point where our current usage of water is reaching unsustainable levels, so banning all bushfires is the only way to bring it under control in the short term. Once this mysterious climate change thing pisses off, maybe then we’ll be able to spare enough water to afford the luxury of bushfires.”


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here