ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Popular New England identity Barnaby Joyce has laughed off suggestion he should face any sort of consequences whatsoever for being caught lying busted on a Canberra footpath speaking to his wife on the phone in the middle of the night.

Mr Joyce told lesser news organisations that he was sitting on a planter box after leaving the pub when he slipped off the planter box and onto the footpath. The video shows the former New Zealand national dribbling to someone on the phone, laying on his back, stuck like a Shiraz-soaked turtle battling to right itself.

While perfectly acceptable for someone to do when engaged in private business or just your simple, run-of-the-mill PAYG salaryman, a grey area exists for people like Mr Joyce who are employed to represent people while receiving public funds in return.

However, Barnaby told The Advocate that he thinks that grey area is “a load of hot cock”.

“Oh come on,” he said.

“Embarrassing, sure, but he who hasn’t left work and gotten proper shame job pissed at the pub and ended up a fucken [sic] dead cunt on the footpath down the road on the phone to the missus talking absolute gibberish, cast the first stone,”

“We’ve all been there. And just because I’m a member of parliament doesn’t mean I need to act any different. I’m entitled to a drink every now and then and I don’t need to tell you that I do like a drink. I have the thirst; that bug that makes me love it. After that dead cunt filmed me, I got up, brushed myself off and walked home with my AirPods in,”

“I listen to ‘All I Want Is You‘ by U2 on repeat the whole way home. It’s a serious track. When I got back to my motel room, I had a hot Corona from the minibar and the last bit of a ham sandwich I’d left in the fridge,”

“I don’t see what the problem is. I got up and went to work the next morning? I did my job? Get off my back. Nobody came and barked up you-know-who’s tree about the Interfaith Prayer Room orgy, did they?”

More to come.


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