A young middle class family from Betoota Heights will not being going on holidays for a while, it has been confirmed.

This comes after both mum, dad and daughter each secured tickets to their favourite musical acts of all time – all three of whom are touring Australia this week.

As a no-nonsense matriarchal ocker, mum is obviously a multiple decade-long disciple of Alecia Beth Moore Hart, known professionally as P!nk.

And as a deep milenniall former skateboarder who was a little bit introspective growing up, dad obviously wouldn’t miss the Blink-182 tour for the world.

As if these tickets weren’t going to sting them enough, the costly exercise of supporting American musicians is also something their 14-year-old daughter wants to take part in.

As a promising academic who is showing signs of one day becoming a corporate girlboss who specialises in silent treatment, the only-child is obviously under the spell of the post-country-pop lizard person known as Taylor Swift.

“Don’t know what she says in it to be honest” says Dad, who grew up on Adam’s Song and Anthem Part 2.

“I guess maybe she gets it from her mother. P!nk is basically Taylor Swift for my generation. It’s the same lyrics… Same messages about ending a casual relationship with a guy, and then making sure to tell them that you broke up with them… even if they no longer care”

“I spose it could be worse… I learnt who Cardi B was the other day”

Mum, also agrees that today’s youth are basically boomers the way they let themselves fall into beatlemania for mass-marketed music industry behemoths, but says she doesn’t mind her daughter being a Swiftie.

“As far as lizard people go, Taylor Swift isn’t as concerning as say, Ariana Grande”

“But jeez. Would a pair of torn jeans go astray?”

With mum playing the role of designated plus-one at the Skink’s concert, she’s going to be experiencing back-to-back with stadium concerts.

“It’s gonna be pretty exhausting” she says.

However, dad says dancing to the whiney tones of Mark Hoppus in a slow-moving moshpit is going to be far more physically taxing.

“Actually I’m gonna be proper rooted” says dad.

“I’ve got Matchbox 20 and Goo Goo Dolls in town as well”

“Tenacious D are coming later in the year too. Can’t miss that.”

“I just wish there was an Australian music scene… It would cost us a lot less”


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