CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
The ABC’s election analyst Antony Green called the south Melbourne seat of Macnamara for Labor last night, after a nail-biting vote count brought the Labor Party to a majority in the 151-member lower house.
There is still the possibility of Labor winning one more seat, as they pull ahead of the Liberal Party on postal votes in the South NSW seat of Gilmore. However, it has been clear since a couple hours into election night, that the next term of government will be led by Prime Minister Anthony Albanese.
The final confirmation that this government will not be formed in partnership with any minor parties or independents has relieved both sides of politics, as Australians looks forward to a future where legislation can be passed without the pointless culture wars we have become used to.
The true believers of the Labor party are still pinching themselves over this result, after a nihilistic campaign that had everyone thinking the Coalition would retain power for another decade.
But no one is more surprised than Anthony Albanese, who emerged from a one month BluesFest bender this morning to learn the news that he was now Prime Minister of Australia.
“FUCKEN WHAT?!” Albo asked his staffers, after reading the front page of The Australian newspaper at his kitchen table this morning.
“WHAT?”
“WHAT THE FUCK”
It is believed that after being booed by his most beloved boomer lefties for interrupting a Jimmy Barnes gig at the Byron music festival in April, Mr Albanese got stuck into the Stone and Wood to drown his sorrows.
After a dozen Pacific Ales and a couple hours in the pit at Midnight Oil and Crowded House, the leader of the Opposition began swigging Fireball out of the bottle, before launching into a four-week long bender that would make the founding members of Chisel looks like Hillsong artists.
“How long was I going for?” asks a puzzled Albanese, still struggling to wrap his head around the fact that the election campaign is now over, and Scott Morrison will be a backbencher for the remainder of his political career.
“You’re telling me I fronted like, what, 100 press conferences, while completely off my head?!”
“Fuck”
“And they voted for me…”
“I won the election with a majority…”
“What the fuck did I promise these people?!”
