The Nation

French President Tells World Scotty Is A Liar On 1st Day Of A Very Long Week For Australians

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT It would seem that the Australian Prime Minister is now regretting his decision to tear his government apart in preparation for impressing world leaders at the COP26 Climate Summit in Glasgow this week, after his glorious appearance on the world stage was immediately dampened by a French President with an axe to grind. It would seem Scotty has learnt...

Coworker’s New Tattoo Has Really Lame Back Story

TRACEY BENDINGER | Local News | Contact A local cleanskin has today found himself having to lie to his tattooed co-worker after the co-worker shoved a weeping chest in his face saying, ‘look at my new ink, isn’t it cool?’ Luckily for Mike Ropesly, the cleanskin, he was quick-witted and able to think on his feet, summoning a supportive response in 0.43...

Servo Attendant Only Man In Local Diva’s Life Who Knows What She Looks Like Without Make Up

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Claudia Smith-Jones (26) is one of Betoota’s hottest socialites, she’s known around town for her flawless complexion, immaculate hair and enviable style. People have said that she’s the only Instagram influencer who’s Insta looks are the same as her real life looks. Well, not any more. The Advocate can exclusively reveal that Claudia’s picture-perfect façade has a crack in...

Bloke Who Supported Joining The US In 4 Pointless Wars Condemns Americanisation Of Halloween

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Albert Jensen has had just about enough of the Halloween rubbish this week. The 65-year-old retired accountant from Betoota Grove hit out at the growing celebration of the American holiday of Halloween. Jensen explained that he is fed up with all of this nonsense about a day we shouldn't even be celebrating over here. "The fact that I'm even here talking to...

Thrifty Uni Student Explains You Can Get Quite A Bit For 30 Bucks At Self Serve Checkout

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A popular student at South Betoota Polytechnic College has revealed a particularly useful lifehack to The Advocate this afternoon That lifehack is the trick of getting a whole weeks' worth of groceries at Coles for just $30. William McQuade doesn’t use special coupons - or purchase stuff that's about to go off. He uses one simple, easy trick. That...

Local Couple’s Cute Brunch Date Ruined By Sound Of 30 Cyclists Dismounting

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT There was frustration in the French Quarter this morning, as a couple’s peaceful brunch was ruined by the arrival of an amateur parade of cyclists. It’s been a tough week for the recently engaged Natasha Oat (28) and Sam Benedict (27), who had both spent the last fortnight juggling night shifts at the Betoota Base Hospital. Excited by...

Corporate Sydney Woman Lasts Full Day Without A Princess Diana-Style LinkedIn Tribute To Gladys

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Being convinced by a deadbeat lover to the breach public trust by tipping over 5 million tax-payer-dollars into ineligible rural community grants is an unfortunate scenario that any one of us could have found ourselves in. That's according the Point Piper-based hedge fund manager, Katherine McKatherines (57). "Why is it only Gladys that goes down" she says. "What about all the...

Trickle Of Fake Blood Down Chin Provides Context For Lingerie-Heavy Halloween Costume

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local legal professional, Sandra McDermott (27) has today gone all out as a 'zombie insta model' in this year's attempt at a stand out Halloween costume. While her parents, as post-war suburban Australians, detest the concept of celebrating Halloween with every fibre of their bodies, Sandy thinks it's kind of cool to dress up as a scary supernatural...

Perth Kiwis Found To Be The Most Kiwi Version Of Kiwis

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report by the Australian Bureau of Statistics has found that New Zealanders who live in Western Australia are by far the most New Zealander New Zealanders cutting around Australia. This comes after a survey of the 569,540 New Zealand-born people living in Australia. As it stands, Western Australia has the fourth largest population of Kiwis out of any...

Food Poisoning Now Only Realistic Way To Achieve Beach Bod In Time For Summer

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Shawn Nguyen, like many others around the nation, is finally coming to terms with the truth today. Once again the warmer weather has rolled around, and once again the accountant from the Flightpath District has been left ruing his lack of a health regime. Nguyen confirmed to us this afternoon, that the only chance he has of getting his rig...

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