The Nation

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT Eyebrows have been raised far and wide across a backyard barbeque this afternoon, after a newly crowned boyfriend decided to introduce himself to a family as, ‘The Ripped Jeans Guy’. Strutting out across the Sir Walter lawn of a Betoota Heights home, it’s believed local gym junkie and WRX enthusiast Jackson Carney, almost tripped over himself thanks...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A family get together has been in turmoil this week, after a young Betoota woman was horrified to learn she’d be spending the entire day alongside a ghost of sexy times past. Answering the doorbell at approximately 11:46am Sunday morning, The Advocate understands Betoota Lakes bachelorette Emily Sutton, was shocked to discover her cousin Jessica’s ‘new beau’...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As the Omicron variant ravages through Australian households and workplaces just days out from Christmas, the Prime Minister is doing his best to lead the nation. His number one priority now is assuring Aussie voters that their leader is a normal bloke, who spends his down time just like they do, by posing in front of the Christmas...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A hometown pub has announced new rules for silly season, in an effort to stem the spike in violence on Christmas Eve. Posting a brief status on their local business Facebook page, The Lakes Gate Hotel in South Betoota has made a public announcement that no biffing will be tolerated after 11pm. Speaking to long-time publican Dennis Dwyer,...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Federal Labor has called for the COVIDSafe app to be ditched as it has only managed to identify two close contacts back in 2020, which according to the coalition is what the $9 million app was always meant to do. Using what Scotty described as “cutting edge bluetoothed technology,” the $9 million dollar app failed to work as...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A Branxton diesel mechanic is having a miserable commute this morning, uninspired to learn that the latest outbreak of flu cases has nothing to do with the launch of a new dual cab ute. Speaking from the front seat of his current weekend whiparound vehicle, a 2014 Holden SS Storm, 26-year-old mechanic Brodie Best told The Advocate...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT As 2021 crawls to an end, a Mosman Banker has enjoyed a good old fashioned daydream while on route to his York Street office. Sitting on the 173X bus from his leafy lower North Shore enclave to Wynyard, The Advocate understands 33-year-old investment banker, Hugo Bale, has been deep in thought thinking about how he’d go in...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT In Betoota’s French Quarter, second hand store Red Hearts has gone the extra mile to immerse shoppers. Wanting to give shoppers a taste of how wearing their second hand boots would look, Red Hearts employees stuck a couple of shortened pool noodles into their range of high leather boots. While it is widely acknowledged that your legs only ever resemble...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT When local bloke Ethan Mochrie is around his mates, you can expect a lot of lad behaviour. As the evident alpha male of his friendship group, Ethan can be regularly seen operating at max volume and pushing his weight around by mocking the lowest mate on the pecking order. If you’d have met him in public, you’d never have thought...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Walking into the office this morning, Jaysern Vukovic (37), was greeted by an unusually high number of judgmental scowls from his colleagues. Immediately thinking the worst, Jaysern looked down to see if he was exposing himself or had spilt coffee on his shirt, however, to Jaysern’s untrained and sartorially-starved eyes, he could see nothing...