KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A family get together has been in turmoil this week, after a young Betoota woman was horrified to learn she’d be spending the entire day alongside a ghost of sexy times past.
Answering the doorbell at approximately 11:46am Sunday morning, The Advocate understands Betoota Lakes bachelorette Emily Sutton, was shocked to discover her cousin Jessica’s ‘new beau’ was indeed an old fling from when she was a bartender at The Shifty Hen.
After the pair locked eyes and exchanged a series of deeply frightened looks, it’s understood Miss Sutton quickly sprinted to an upstairs bathroom to compose herself and send a flurry of SOS texts to her all-girl WhatsApp chat.
“It’s fucking him I know it,” Miss Sutton told The Advocate.
“His name is like Sam, or like Sean or something… Anyway, whatever! He was this guy I…”
“Let’s just say it was the height of my bartending days.”
“I’m trying really hard not to panic right now but now he’s here sitting downstairs next to Aunt Deborah and for fuck sake… this lunch is a total nightmare!”
Taking sound advice from her inner circle of close friends, Miss Sutton said she would devise a strategic plan to avoid spending the next three hours in the company of the failed romance.
Miss Sutton confided to our reporter that she was strongly considering using a bold excuse to justify leaving the family gathering early.
“Maybe I’ll do lunch, sit at the opposite end of the table and then feign some food poisoning.”
“Or there’s always Covid too, I could say I just got pinged as a close contact.”
Upon returning downstairs, it’s understood the situation dramatically worsened when Miss Sutton was asked to help chop vegetables alongside the infamous, ‘Sam from Shifty’s.’
At last known sighting, Miss Sutton was seen placing a warm oven mitt on her forehead to begin feigning a fever.
More to come.
